What is your thought process of Churches and Second chances, Second marriages?

Day75

I have seen the hardships some of the Christian members are facing in the acceptance of their second marriage by the church, and are forced to find an alternative to their spiritual faith, I questioned the church’s ability to forgive. Some of these members are strong believers of their Christian faith and are accustomed with denomination but due to their unavoidable life circumstances their first marriage was unsuccessful and they have remarried. With a second marriage accepted by the constitution, they are hoping for a second chance in life. Unfortunately, the religious Church have denied the acceptance of this constitutional accepted marriage and restricted the remarried Christians from some spiritual ceremonies.

 So here is my question: What is your thought process of Churches and Second chances, Second marriages?

 I raised this question to one of my childhood friends Mathew Samuel a strong Christian at heart and practice.

Lenji Jacob- This was my inquiring question 

 “Just a Christian perspective or the church orders on giving people second chances. To my understanding forgiveness is one of the biggest lessons that Christ have taught us. Then why do churches give people an extreme hard time when people are looking for second chances? Second marriages? I know of so many cases, where churches have refused people to practice their faith or even be a part of their church constitution? Why does the church forget the biggest lesson of forgiveness? Why do we pray if we don't practice (Mathew : 6) " Forgive us for our sins, just as we have forgiven those who sinned against us." Just a thought process....”

 Mathew Samuel responded:

 “Christ and the Church are not too much different the way I see it. The Church forgives the first time, the second time and every time. When the Church stops forgiving, I do not think it remains as the Church.

However, for forgiveness to happen, the repentance is needed first. In my opinion, that part is what is one huge problem amongst us. We do not repent; we usually just use the Church to get our things done. We see the Church as another Club, like a Rotary Club .I am speaking very generally here, but sometimes, we feel the Church gives us a hard time, because most times we give the Church a hard time. We do not live as the Church commands; we are alien to the life in the Church, to the sacraments, to fasting, to prayers etc.

 Having said that, obviously there are human imperfections in the Church and mistakes are done which need to be corrected. 

 

Specifically about marriages, even the first marriage - the Church is very cautious because there had been abuses earlier. A priest told me of a situation where he married a couple in all sincerity, and as he steps out of the Church, a lady with a child stands outside asking him "what right do you have to marry my husband and my child's father off to another woman?" The priest had no idea the man was previously married. These are situations that have occurred because people have abused the goodwill of the Church. So precautions are in place.  

 

However, I see what you are saying, people, even Church hierarchy can be sometimes insensitive. There are always exceptions, tragedies happen, and we need to move on and we hope the Church deals with us in a sympathetic manner seeing the sincerity of our case. I hope in genuine situations the Church considers the situations and gives us relief, because the Church is a hospital too, where the soul needs to find relief, not a court where judgment is passed.  

 

But sometimes even after our best efforts, our honest tries, things don’t seem to work, and the Church seems too judgmental. All I can say is, since Christ is the Head of the Church, He will make right what the Church has failed to do, if our efforts are indeed sincere, if our prayers are indeed genuine, if our tears are real. So keep up the efforts, prayers and tears, they will bear fruit, please do not lose hope, it may be the resilience that is being tested here - like in the case of the Canaanite woman. 

 

These were just some thoughts that passed by. It may or may not help someone in a particular situation, but hope you see my perspective. (I had initially thought of just messaging you, but then decided to post it here, hoping someone may benefit)”

~Lenji Jacob

~Mathew Samuel

Reference

1.  Picture: http://neverhopeless.com/wp-content/uploads/second-chance2.jpg

What is the social binding towards second chances?

Day 74



If I had a second chance, I be home now?

 Mistakes are part of a human learning process: you make a mistake and you rectify the mistake and avoid the repetition of the mistake. Every opportunity endeavored to improve from a mistake would be considered a second chance. Another interesting factor in the equation of the mistake incorporated would be the severity of the mistake. The severity of the mistake displays a silent correlation with the society.

So here is my question: What is the social binding towards second chances?

When human beings has created a mistake under the regulations of the law and have completed the tenure of punishment designed for the correction of the mistake, how does the society react? Is there a silent code of blacklisting individuals creating a mistake with severity? Even with the code of equal opportunity employers ask for questions about past punishment records? What is the opportunity of second chances for individuals committing mistakes in the past?

As a human being why do we judge another person that have committed a mistake and completed the punishment for the committed mistake? If society does not prevail the opportunity of second chances, how would the scope of second chances succeed? Isn’t social abandonment of a human being after the tenure of punishment a mistake? How can society provide a chance of improvement or second chance by committing a mistake of rejection?

“Let us not stage the scope of second chance to a path of social abandonment”

~Lenji Jacob

Reference

1. Picture: http://www.crosswalkcc.net/images/Second_Chances.jpg?79

What is the purpose of a test?

Day 73

As a student, I have spend many hours memorizing for a test or a quiz that was due in class for the next day. Sometimes I ask myself what is the percentage of the information I remember that I have spend hours to memorize. The truth is the materials that I had memorized without understanding during my college days just to accomplish a high grade, I don’t remember much. The materials that I understood and had the ability to implement my learning in my daily life, I remember very well. All the information was learned to get good grades in a test.

So here is my question: What is the purpose of a test?

The theoretical answer about testing would be to analyze the understanding of the information and the ability to ensure applicability. Does this really happen in real life scenarios? How much of applicability is enforced in the testing today? Is the ability of understanding measure by the ability of memorization? Why are students spending plenty amounts of time in memorizing the education materials? How old is the testing and the grading structure?

When was the last time the method of testing established and changed? Why are we focusing on learning elements that we will forget in future because of the lack of applicability? How can we improve the methods of testing to ensure we keep the core standards of true testing? The purpose of education and testing should be for the development of the student and not asserted pressure in memorization.

“The insight of the testing should be enhance my understanding and not pressurize my memorization skills”

~Lenji Jacob

Reference:

1. Picture: http://www.fau.edu/testing/images/j0341513_1_.jpg

Why do we limit ourselves?

Day 72

Today while driving to work I heard an interesting story by Joel Osteen from the Joel Osteen ministries. The story talks about a man noticing a fisherman while fishing is throwing away the big fishes back into the ocean and just keeping the small fishes to him. Curious at this action the man asked the fisherman about the reason about his actions. The fisherman responded he has a small frying pan at home and the big fishes would not fit in his pan. Try intercepting this story to our daily lives and do we restrict ourselves in our pre-determined conceptions?

So here is my question: Why do we limit ourselves?

 Do you think our preconception restrict us for achieving the full potential that can be 

accomplished? Does our subconscious mind create boundaries within ourselves? Does the concept of thinking outside the box mean getting out of predetermined conceptions about a topic or subject? The development of many inventions is reasons because inventors broke their predetermined conceptions about the subject and thought outside the box.

How do we train our mind to avoid any preexisting determination about a subject or topic? How can we avoid ourselves from being the reason of our limitations in life? Let us change from the fisherman who restricted himself to small fishes and open the opportunity to have the ability to catch all the potential fishes. What are some of the causes that create the predetermined conceptions about the topic?

“Limitations are caused by nobody but by yourself”

~Lenji Jacob

Reference

1. Picture: http://zylab.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/limitations.jpg?w=594

What do you look for in your partner?

Day 71

October 10 marks a big day in my life. On 10/10/10 I dared to walk out of my bachelor life and ask a girl at my favorite spot in Baltimore at around 10:00 pm “Will you marry me?” To my surprise, she just smiled and said “Yes”. I am dedicating this blog to this girl who brought an end to my reign of bachelor life. We got married a month from that and shared ours fights and laughter. Two years have passed by but I am happy that I dared to ask her the question that changed my life. One of the toughest decisions of our lives is choosing the right partner to spend the rest of our lives together. Finding the person is only part of the battle but having the courage to express the feelings and getting back a mutual sentiment is another portion of the battle. The ability to remind yourself in times of happiness and sorrow that your partner completes your world - completes the battle.

So here is my question: What do you look for in your partner?

I sometimes wished finding the right partner was as simple like the poetic words that propose “A strike of lightening and weakening knees.” The theory of an ideal partner is finding a person that does not have the same personality like you to complete your completeness. The challenge of this theory is finding the common conjunction in the person whose personality is not the same as yours. There is another theory about choosing the ideal partner, the theory of love. This theory dictates on the measurement of love and that your partner must reciprocate the equal amount of love and feelings that your share with the person. Another interesting theory would be the theory of purpose, why do you want the other person in your life?

Do all humans look for the same characteristics in their partner? Does the perspective of choosing a partner depend on the gender, age, culture, value, etc. of the person? What are the implications of chemistry for choosing the right partner? Is there a dedicated or accepted time-frame with respect to analyzing a human for partnership? At what point do you decide to pursue the bond of friendship to a bond of partnership?  

Does a successful partnership guaranty a smooth sail? Do you think partners don’t fight or argue? In a partnership there will be times when we agree but there will be times when we don’t agree. Even though not a 100 percent successful, two of the biggest lessons I have learned to balance my partnership during times of dispute are the ability to focus the energy on understanding your partner and focusing the energy towards listening to encourage support to your partner. 

“I can only be a truthful storyteller about our love-hate relationship with you on-my-side forever to catch my lies” 

~Lenji Jacob